Lived Experience Forum

[Albert2]

In hospital after scuicide attempt

Hi all, I am now in the ED in one of Brisbane’s major hospitals. I tried to scuicide but it didn’t work. I have D.I.D. but it doesn’t matter what the disorder, death is death right? Medically I think I will be fine.

I am feeling like shit at present,  I will probably be moved to another hospital tomorrow, that fills me with great joy, not.

Sorry to be all doom and gloom but that’s how I feel now.

Did anyone know Lifeline don’t do suicide? They just refer you to the suicide callback service.

[greenpea]

@Albert2   hi Albert2 thinking of you and wishing you well. life is tough but our community is here to help you find your way through the dark parts.  stay strong and i will be online most of the night. love greenpeax

[wellwellwellnez]

It's a bit like that for us as well @Albert2 . We've also got our limits when it comes what level of crisis we're aloud to handle.

The good news is, we are all about crisis prevention and crisis recovery. And, on a recovery note, it's pretty good that you're checking in.

There's parts of me that's curious how D.I.D. plays out under deep crisis. I imagine different alters would experience crisis from their own unique perspective. I also wonder if levels of "integration" would shift in notable ways. Either way, I'm sure you've had a heck of a night.

[Albert2]

@wellwellwellnez @greenpea thankyou both and also those who supported. Your words and kind thoughts are truely appreciated.

This hospital, which was excellent, is now greatly understaffed and frankly dangerous. I was moved from resus to short stay in the ED. Since then, yesterday about 2 or 3 pm, I haven’t been seen by anyone but nurses, they are using a table of meds from 4 years ago when I was here, because they cannot find a doctor to write the meds up. So let’s give the suicidal guy, half current dose of his antidepressant and totally withhold anxiety meds. I cannot even get Panadol for the massive headache I have had since yesterday, so I haven’t had a wink of sleep. mental health team were to see me yesterday but a no show, so no one to unload to but you wonderful people!

@wellwellwellnez I will reply to your questions (good questions) when I am less stressed. Unfortunately it wasn’t me who spoke to the only Doctor I have seen in resus, I doubt whoever was out would have made much sense anyway!

Thanks again it is really great to have people in my corner during this time!

[Albert2]

Hey guys I am now feeling much better, I am able to get out of bed, had a shower and headache is gone. Just had a chat with a very pleasant psych lady.

However I had a chat with my wife, she is very angry with me over this attempt on my life. Anyone have any thoughts on dealing with this? I can understand her anger but I don’t know what to do.

[TuxedoCat]

Hey @Albert2 ❤️ This is a great question! I've been mulling over how to respond.

Do you want to have a conversation with her? I know that in hospitals, there are often social workers who can support families to have tricky conversations like this. 

But I suppose it's important for the both of you to listen and try to understand each other. Have you spoken to your wife about your thoughts of dying before? It could be useful for you to think about what your needs/wants are from her when you're feeling this way. 

I also imagine she will have some thoughts and feelings to express to you. Some of which might be difficult to hear ❤️ 

What do you think?

[tyme]

Dear @Albert2 ,

Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry to hear you are in hospital right now.

My heart goes out to you. I hope you get the help you deserve.

We care about you.

Please let us know how you are travelling.

tyme

[Albert2]

@TuxedoCat @Thanks for your support, when I say angry I mean really angry. I didn’t realise until today that I came very very close to dying, yesterday, this close to dying would not have helped my wife’s feelings. 

Yes I need to have a conversation with her and another person would help us both.

No I haven’t had a conversation with her about dying, she seems to think that dying is something I have chosen over a life with her. If I could get rid of the suicidal ideation of course I would. Guess I need to explain this to her.

I just cannot get past this cycle of depression, ECT, feeling okay, getting depressed again and so on, it seems to have no end, the only permanent solution seems to be scuicide. Yes I can have periods of happiness but it doesn’t last.

I am sure my wife has thoughts and feelings that I probably don’t want to hear, we have been married a long time, been there before and we work it out.

I am being transferred this pm, not sure which hospital yet.

Thanks again for your support. ❤️❤️

[Albert2]

Hi @tyme @thanks heaps for your kind words, I have been moved to a mental health waiting room, I don’t know where I am going yet, could be another public hospital while I wait for a bed in the private hospital I have been in before.

The support on this forum is fantastic, it really makes a difference.

I will keep you posted…

[tyme]

Hey @Albert2 ,

Wish you all these best. I know wait times can be long, so while you are waiting, if you need to chat, I'm here for the evening 🙂

I have also been in ED many times for my MH. I've been down that path. I used the forums to keep me going. Sometimes I shared with the forums community what was happening, but other times, it was just to connect with people.

Please utilise the forums so you feel less alone down this path.

Sitting with you tonight, 

tyme