I can’t cope

[Captain24]

I am excited but there is so much work to do to get my house ready. @Jynx. I have done a far bit but Thursday is going to be huge. I have to finish of everything plus do everything that I do in a couple of days in one day. It’s overwhelming me already. 

I have been through them before and they all point to hypomania. But I’m having the irritability instead of euphoric mood. But I’m also feeling quite down too. I really am sure now that it’s a mixed episode and I don’t usually get them. They are really horrible. But if the down keeps getting worse then the risk of suicide increases. I’m not really sure on how to get myself out of it. I’m not really experienced in it. 

I tried reading it but it was a lot. I have to come back to it. I did get something out of it I HATE being told what to do and won’t do it. 

Your therapy appointment sounded pretty full on! I hope the others weren’t as hard. Oh.. send some my way! 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 we might be in a cleaning frenzy together then!! I got a house inspection on Thursday 😵

But I'm thinking I will try to postpone it! 

Hmm... I don't really have much experience with mixed episodes, except that my friend told me that what made it dangerous for her was the sense of grandiosity - like she felt like she was untouchable, whilst also wanting to self-destruct. I hope it's okay I tag @creative_writer ? She's got some experience with mixed episodes, maybe you two can swap some tips or something. 

And please don't hesitate to reach out to like SCBS or something if things get super dicey. Or even if you just need like a 'circuit-breaker' or something to help get out of your head for a bit. 

Haha yep it's a thing!! ND brains like to do things on our own terms I think. It's why I like living alone - the only demands are from my cats, and I can distract them with treats 😝

I wish I could shower the whole dang forums with raspberries haha. Like the Oprah of berries 🤣 

[Captain24]

Not really @Jynx 

Oh how I use to depose house inspections! I’m so glad I don’t have to now but this actually feels like one. I need my house spotless incase she wants to look at it. I’m pretty house proud though. One of the things I read was tidy organised spaces. I’m like that most of the time. When my house isn’t spotless I beat myself up but it also matches my mood. Hence cleaning and keeping it tidy more work, less thinking! 

Did you see the photos? 

That sounds about right! I’m not coping with it at all. Your friend defs has bipolar. 😂 I can’t even begin to explain what it’s like in my head. I know o have shared stuff but there isn’t the right words for what is bouncing all the way around in there. 

I see my psych on Wednesday so she will hopefully be able to help. 

It also explains why I prefer to be alone and don’t like it when people are here. I like my safe space and love my dogs (well sometimes, they won’t stop barking!) I don’t have to answer to anyone or think of anyone. It’s all my time and I can do what I want not what people are saying I should do. 

That sounds great.. do the cats like them? 

[creative_writer]

@Captain24 I hate mixed episodes, they make me super agitated and suicidal. I generally find I need PRN, need to take care of my sleep when in a mixed episode and keep up with self care. I try to make my evening more sleep friendly. Bright lights only make it worse, sleep friendly lamps are way better. I also wear tinted blue light blocking glasses and wear an eye mask because I'm super sensitive to sleep disturbances from light.  Appointments with supports is crucial and so is reaching out to helplines. I hope you are feeling better today 💖

[Jynx]

omg @Captain24 can you do my house next? 🤣 I bet you'd look around and either a) immediately meltdown (valid, it's so messy) or b) roll up your sleeves and be like RIGHTO LET'S GO 😝

I just feel like I need to get my house back to a 'baseline' of clean... and maybe move my old baseline to be a little bit cleaner 😅

I did! Your house is so sleek 😍

I live in a shack which the jury's still out on whether it's just two shipping containers pushed together 🤣

She sure does lol - something she kinda spoke about was that the sense of grandiosity also skewed her perceptions a little, meaning that like... she would engage in a risky behaviour but only realise just how risky it was after her mood had settled again. Sound familiar? 😬😅

But I think what else stood out that I wanna share is that these moods can feel all encompassing, but they're episodic - they never last forever. I think @creative_writer was on the money about being extra careful with sleep, too - I remember my friend always worsens the longer she's awake.   

My cats do not like raspberries, no! Hahaha probably cos they're obligate carnivores, and I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that cats don't even have taste buds for sweet things. Wild, right?

Hope you're both having a spiffy Saturday 😊💜

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I've done impulsive things during a mixed state, impulsivity can go up. It's not great, I almost got myself in trouble last week. Just grateful I'm no longer agitated, depression sucks but it's nowhere near as bad as where I was.

that's interesting kitties don't have taste buds for sweet things, but then why would they wouldn't need them. Do you cats do strange things like eat grass, I can't tell you how many cats I've seen eating grass, including the cat that popped by our house today. We named her kiwi because she looks like a kiwi.

I hope you've had a smooth day today 💖

[Jynx]

@creative_writer agitation and impulsivity can be a hectic combo hey. Glad you feel like you're pulling through to the other side 💜

Oh that's normal!! Cat diets = meat and grass 🤣 and occasionally... pumpkin I think? I've seen a video of a cat going to town on a roast pumpkin, apparently it's got heaps of fibre for them.

Apparently eating grass helps them with digestion! Also hairballs haha. If you have an indoor cat, they recommend growing some 'cat grass' for them to munch on, cos they do benefit heaps from it! 

I already love kiwi!! Must be quite the little fuzzball hehe 😋

[tyme]

HI @Captain24 , hope you are okay. 

I found a 'shakti' mat with the pillow on sale at chemist warehouse so I bought it to give to a colleague. I wanted to buy the actualy shakti, but it wouldn't arrive in the mail in time before I leave.

And yes what! at 4am, my visa arrived, so it looks like i'm going next week! I don't think I'll see you until next year now. Around the 3rd week of Jan. 

If I don't see you, keep posting and tagging me. I don't think I can access the forums overseas.

Please take care.

[creative_writer]

@Jynx kiwi had the male cat following her recently. I think the male cat fell in love with kiwi Cat love stories 😂💖. She told him off for touching her tail. I think she has the upper hand over him, she is miss bossy

[Captain24]

Not sure if you are still around @tyme. 

Im so glad your visa come in and it’s all sorted. 

If your around I’ll chat but if you just pop in I want to wish you and absolutely, amazing and wonderful holiday. Also I want firecracker moments!!!