Lived Experience Forum

[pinemushroom]

Hi there @Historylover and @Willy,

@Historylover, it sounds like such an isolating experience for you outside of the forums, I can only imagine how tough that'd be. I'm glad that the forums can be a place where you feel supported and heard.

And @Willy, I'm hearing how you're offering that an acceptance of circumstances can be supportive for some people. I think it'd be interesting to hear about how this experience has been helpful for you, if you're open to sharing?

[Appleblossom]

@Historylover 

It is heartening for me to see the quality of interactions on this thread @chibam @Willy @Former-Member @tyme 

I do not think you are mad.  I am beginning to see madness as an industry

There is truth to your statement  Historylover

"the cynic within me says that society is divided into two groups – those who are allowed to get ahead and those who aren't."

I tend to see it more as a predator/prey dynamic ... probably from zoo days ...

However I am getting more and more wary of false binaries ... and not just in issues of sexuality ...

Can we agree to accept some truth in that proposition ... but broaden our thinking to accept that there are other issues and be more nuanced about it ...

Yeah sometimes microsteps are the way ... sometimes thats alright with me, but sometimes I long for a complete flip ... kind of how the winning and losing positions can change really quickly in the game Go

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Go_(game) 

They read out a couple of wonderful poems about wild things ... in this podcast ... yeah evolutionaly biologists ...there is a theme somewhere for me, sorry .. lol  ...tho I technically only did biol to HSC.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7eivBJIv9g&t=259s 

[Willy]

@pinemushroom 

I don't understand what you are saying but if you are trying to shut me up you are doing a good job. 

[Daisydreamer]

Hi @Willy,

Apologies if you are feeling unable to talk, it is not our intention. My understanding was that our team were asking if you felt comfortable to elaborate on your previous post, where you spoke about challenging the feeling of hopelessness, is this something you have had experience with before based on the reflections in your post? 

Our intention was moreso to continue to build on your post in the hopes of hearing from your experience if you felt comfortable to share further. 

I hope this makes sense 🙂 We value your contributions and hope you continue to share your experiences and insights here

[Willy]

@Daisydreamer 

The world is spinning out of control. Down down we go into the depths of hell. I told them to call the police but they said it wasn't necessary. They just bullied and harassed me instead

[Daisydreamer]

Hi @Willy I am so sorry to hear what you have been through, no one should have to experience bullying and harassment 😞 

[Historylover]

I'm already there @Willy. There is nothing I can do. I just have to sink without a fight. There's no point to anything and I have no fight left. 

I've now been betrayed by absolutely everybody in my life and I don't know why. I even ask myself if my ancestors did something wrong and I'm paying for it. I can't make sense of why my life is as it is and why I can't change it.

My new GP has me attending nearly every day. He doesn't bulk bill, doesn't prescribe generic medication – 4 times the cost, and I can't help but feel that he is playing me. He knows I have no home and am a pensioner paying rent. He said he'd investigate to find a suitable therapist but hasn't done so, he just talks about it, so I have to go back again. He doesn't prescribe generic medication yet the pharmacist says they are all the same. He says otherwise. If there is a minute difference, how on earth would it be detected if the difference is so minuscule? 

My last GP told me to write to my estranged daughter and I got an IVO for my trouble. So what is the point of anything? 

[Historylover]

I said to my GP today that I feel like one of those bears, kept in a tiny cage and milked for its bile, with no escape. 

They worry about cruelty to animals, but cruelty to people is acceptable.

That's how I feel @pinemushroom. Completely broken.

My current GP is trying to convince me to trust people but doesn't think it is necessary for trust to be earned. 

Makes me trust him even less than I do already.

[cloudcore]

Hi @Historylover ,

It can be really hard to keep pushing forward and fighting, especially when we feel so alone and betrayed by those we once trusted. It's a painful experience. You are not alone here however, I and many others are here sitting with you and care 💛

If you need extra support tonight, please know the SANE Helpline is available until 10pm on 1800 18 7263

[Appleblossom]

Hey @Historylover 

It would be s**t feeling like fresh prey.

Maybe I am just more analytical at heart.  I never thought of it as a cynical viewpoint, more a biological one.  Did not actually see myself in that "web of life" til now, and yes I sometimes feel like prey.

I also saw a lot growing up that made me very wary of cynicism, so somehow I mostly avoid that outlook.  I saw it as the excuse a lot of people had to treat other people badly ... it was a no go zone for me.  Not saying that you do that at all ... 

Maybe, I should cultivate a little cynicism to balance my idealism and naivete.  I over trust ... in a weird way ...

The state of the relationship between the sexes in general seems pretty poor ... its moved on from just being a battle ... to more of a war .... which is pretty bloody sad for 2 groups that are supposed to love each other ...

Sorry about the Gp problem ... yep ... hearing you ... hope he at least does his job ...

I dont have a good gp ... my last one turned on me about my son and was pretty irrational, but then I saw online ... that she was preoccupied with writing her own memoir ... and boasting about not concentrating on her patients she was so excited ... weary sigh ... and funny that, some of my conversations were informed and touched on creative writing ...

in the end I decided to go back to same large clinic ... and let the computer do the choosing ... eg next available ... next random ... it was the same as the one I would have picked ... thinking my approach has to be .... "Dont be too trusting Apple!"

Gotta go ...

Good to "see" you.