Lived Experience Forum

[Powderfinger]

Words have meaning. Words are an expression of a person's truth. One of my favorite quotes is by Ralph Waldo Emerson. Words are alive, cut them and they bleed. 

In this country the word justice is lacklustre. Justice holds purpose. It has lost its meaning in this country. Let's face it, bad things happen to good people every day in Australia. The current legislation in regards to intimate partner violence is far behind in obtaining justice for targets of violence via an intimate partner.

My preference is to use target instead of victim as it is more apt. Targets are exactly that. Targets of the perpetrator. Current legislation that certain acts of violence (which I cannot mention due to Sane guidelines) only became a crime in 2019. This is where I have an issue. 2019. I just shake my head at the way we see how far behind the law is when it comes to intimate partner violence. 

There is absolutely no excuse for this disgrace. I'm thankful to be in the position of taking firm and solid action regarding this. I was/am a target. I will not go into my current situation. It is irrelevant to my post. 

I have never been a fan of the government. My preference has always been to introduce change without them. I had no faith or trust in government. However, in my more mature years even though I still have some issues with it, the only way to work for change is to approach government and cultivate relationships. 

So, I have done just that. I am in communications with the recent introduction to Dorinda Cox, proud indigenous women in becoming the first indigenous woman Senate of the greens. This is someone I can truly work with. 

Dorinda has been very supportive of my plans to initiate change. I am working towards having legislation changed in regards to Intimate Partner Violence It is a big undertaking but one I am able to take on and see it through. I know that the petitions will be speaking for many people in my state and there will not be any issues getting signatures. 

Dorinda will be introducing my petitions to Parliament. Further than that Dorinda is going to help with the advertising for petitions to be signed. That's a beautiful gift. It has gone some way into restoration of my I'll feelings towards government and also made me look at my long standing thoughts and attitudes towards government. I'm thankful for that too. 

I feel that I need to redirect my energy from where it has been for the last three months to where it actually should be. Although I am still so unwell in regards to my mental and physical health perhaps this will go some way into healing and strength. The physical part is up to me and I need so much of that. 

Intimate partner violence is a very serious issue in this country. It has been for a long time. We are in 2022. It is time for radical change. It is time for true JUSTICE. 

[Corny]

I hope I can get to a place where I can do more advocacy one day @Powderfinger . I have been crying a lot today for my family's experience of family violence. 

So much more needs to done. There is an article in the Sydney Star Observer this month on DV regarding same sex relationships......there are so many myths about women when it comes to abuse. 

You can literally lose everything, become homeless and bankrupt, it can happen to anyone. Your ex's NPD was like throwing rocket fuel on her abusive nature.....a heady cocktail. MI is no excuse. 

I feel very cynical about politicians too, I wish some strong independents could rise up and replace both parties. Good luck I hope you get justice and are untangled from her as soon as possible, Corny

[Powderfinger]

@Corny 

I'm sorry you have been crying today. Crying hurts. 

I'm not really in a place to do this. My heart hurts every day and I'm beyond exhausted. The initial shock is starting to wear off but I'm ill and that's going to take a considerable time to improve. 

I'm just exhausted all of the time. I will see if I can find the article. Thanks for mentioning it. 

Check out Dorinda Cox. I feel very comfortable with her and I don't like politics. 

I'm untangled in some respects, others no I'm not. It all depends on outcomes of legal processes. Always sooner rather than later than I am truly hoping for. 

Not just justice for me, justice for all. 

Powderfinger. X

[Corny]

Thanks @Powderfinger yes, grief is a hard road, but inevitable unfortunately when it comes to death and dying. 

As horrifying and shocking as the statistics are when it comes to abuse, we are still very much the minority......most people do not experience it, and they get through life OK. Maybe their childhood or adult relationships are some what dissatisfying, but that is just disappointing, not traumatic. It's very lonely and isolating to live it for real. 

The fact that you say that you aren't in a place to do this, but you have to do it anyway demonstrates how awful your situation is. 

Shock is an amazing drug, and it does have a purpose but unfortunately it doesn't last forever and reality eventually sinks in. It's a very protracted process to come to terms with. I am sure that you wish that you never met your ex....but as I have said before sex and attraction are powerful forces and love has made a fool of a lot of people, it most definitely has of me.....it isn't personal, but it still sucks.

Once you move past being angry at yourself, and given some time, life can change and move on, I just hope that you can rid yourself of her permanently. She will try and come back if she runs out of cash or is scared that she will not meet someone else to wait on her hand and foot, she has to have a servant at all times to indulge her. 

Sydney has won World Pride for 2023, it's something we can look forward to as a community. We still have so much to fight for and so much prejudice and discrimination continues to exist. Even in the LGBT community there is hate, some of the worst misogyny I have ever experienced has come from gay men......us on the inside can see the nuance behind the cliches, and DV in chick-on-chick relationships is just one example. 

I hope that your therapy with the dreamy women is going well, Corny. 

[pinklollipop15]

Wow thankyou for writing this. It is very inspiring. I have just learnt about social justice and I was shocked but also inspired to learn more. I applaud you for your effort and I agree with everything you have said. 

[Powderfinger]

@Corny 

Grief for whatever the reason one is experiencing it is not an easy time for anyone. 

To be honest there is so much change needed for many things and more advocates are needed. Being dissatisfied in any type of relationship and being abused cannot really be compared. I agree that it can be lonely and isolating for many. 

It's a living nightmare daily. It would be made easier if I had more people that had an understanding of what I'm going through but I've given up trying to get anyone to even understand. I'm just tired of talking about it because no one really shows any interest in knowing. 

To be honest it is taking time for my brain to come back online. Something's you say I cannot comment in because my brain just says nope not today and I could be not having such a good day myself. 

I want you to hear something though it's a trigger for me when anyone mentions the possibility of her coming back for any reason. I've done things that make it hard for this to happen because I don't want her to even try. I don't care for the reasons she tries, my message and actions I have taken enforce the very strong message, stay away in every way. I do not want to ever see you or bear from you. I've changed my number and it is not listed. I'm relocating because I want to. She is blocked on all my own social media.abd I'm legally changing my name. Not because of her, this is something I have wanted to do for a long time. I will not live in fear of this. So, please keep this in mind when you think you want to mention this again. 

Hurray for Sydney. There is always alot to work through when it comes to that community. I decided a long time ago to never put my focus there due to trauma. The only person that needed to make peace with me is me, the rest I don't care. I got tired of wanting acceptance. I just turned away from it because I really couldn't be bothered anymore. I completely agree that event in the LGBTQI community there is hate. I have experienced it too. I've seen alot and that is another reason I don't and will never want to be part of it. I feel that I don't want to belong to a specific type of group and have a us/them mentality. Not for me. 

I'm not sure what you meant about dreamy women? 

Powderfinger. 

[Powderfinger]

@pinklollipop15 

Thank you. Inspiration is beautiful and important. I believe inspiration can create beautiful things and can also create not so beautiful things, depending on the person. I'm glad you were inspired. A return of justice needs to be fought for in my opinion. Yes politicians make up the legislation, however, people complain yet sit idle and do nothing and wonder why change isn't happening. Thank you for sharing. 

[Corny]

Thank you for communicating your triggers to me @Powderfinger . I know now, and won't mention the silly cow coming to find you, just the thought must make you feel scared, I am sorry that triggered you, I understand PTSD very well and will change my behaviour. I'm coming off my anti-depressant at the moment so I am off the reservation P, but the blunting is lifting so the tears have started to flow which feels so much more normal than chemically blunted with no chance of shedding a single tear, I seem to be very sensitive to the chems.

I wanted to change my name when I was young, I looked into taking Mum's maiden name......these are all normal behaviours given what's happened to us.

I am saddened that people aren't listening to you, I can only put that down to ignorance I guess. 

I thought you were seeing a dreamy therapist or maybe I am muddled and have you mixed up with someone else on the forums.....I don't know.

Yes, I agree Australian's annoy me too, they are so apathetic and don't get off their bums to ask for change. Because we are such a wealthy country it has made Aussies lazy. 

Moving is stressful, but a worth while stress long term, I wish you well on your journey, Corny

[Powderfinger]

@Corny 

Thank you for listening, appreciate it. Yes it does concern me. I don't want her to ever come looking for me nor to find me. I don't ever want to see nor speak to her ever again. This is the reason for the FVRO. She tries and I have proof, she is then commiting a criminal offence. This is also partly a reason for my name change legally. I'm setting everything up so that she can never find  me again. Narcissists believe they have the right to contact you like nothing has happened. Well fu.....K that. They can have their insane and toxic ways. I know how they operate. Never again will I see nor speak to her. I treat her as if she truly does not exist at all. I know that if I do these things, she will never find me ever. That's all I think about now. In her own world she us suffering and always will. That's not and never will be my problem. I simply don't care at all. So yes I appreciate you not mentioning it anymore. 

I had a serious appt yesterday. The thoughts are I may have adjustment disorder ( temporarily). I looked it up and it makes sense for what I'm currently going through and feeling. Of course all the info is never usually there but it is a start. Also anxiety and depression which has been a long term diagnosis for me anyway. I'm booked in to see a psychiatrist in late November. 

I have been thinking of it for a while now, changing my name. This happening has been another incentive to go ahead with it. 

Yeah, I am too. I wish I could just talk about the narcissist, be heard and be supported. I hurt. Most of the time if she comes into my head I avoid going there now because I can't cope. with incidents coming to mind and the abuse from her. Abuse with a narcissist messed my head up. I can only take things in tiny little nibbles. If I take on a lot then I gets very stressed, anxious and panicked. 

Yes the majority of everyday Australians do not do enough to help create change. There are Australians that do but n general it is a lazy country. Wealth shouldn't come into it but sadly it does. 

Yeah, I'd love to move asap. In saying that a move is a stressor with lots to plan. For now I'm resting as much as I can, where I can. 

Yes, I think you were thinking about someone else talking about a dreamy woman as a therapist. It wasn't me. 

Have a nice day 8 

[ArtistZ]

Your post is so well written @Powderfinger  thank you so much for posting it.

100% agree - the word 'target' makes so much more sense than 'victim' - helps to give us our power back 

Thank you x