DID, it's not confirmed, but have CPTSD

[Just]

@Blackbird11 please see my recent Q. I know U want to know how I'm travelling. Scared, that's what I feel. Guilty and upset. Sad, very very sad.

[tyme]

Hey @Just ,

I'm not going to lie, I actually cannot answer you because I seriously have no idea. 

Why the guilt and worry?

[Just]

@tyme guilt because I exposed my little/s to things only adults should know. But maybe not if I have a good gatekeeper, but this I don't know yet. I would never do such a thing if I had known more. So I'm just putting it out there. I'm so very very sorry and I hope one-day you will forgive me. For now all I can do is help in anyway I can. And hope this is all irrelevant because I have a great gatekeeper who was worked hard on this. But time will only tell. Scared who I will meet, what they say they have experienced. But mostly my role in damaging my own selves by doing foolish things. Meeting people I shouldn't have trusted. I'm So So sorry

[tyme]

Hey @Just ,

I guess we can say that we have all made mistakes in the past that we are not proud of. Things that we wished we'd never done. Yet as you mentioned, you didn't know any better. You are not alone in feeling this way about things. I have certainly done things I've regretted. 

But what's most important, you acknowledge the wrong doing and you are willing to do something about it. 

We are sitting with you.

[Just]

Well that didn't happen did it. No long time friends. Might as well call it quits.@just 

[balance37]

Hi @Just You mentioned date rape drugs? Is this something that has happened recently for you that you need further support with? Also, I am unsure what the acronym ASE means?

On a less urgent note, I am curious about how your therapist is introducing you to your parts you are not aware of as yet. Does she/he have a particular modality such as Internal Family Systems?

[Just]

@balance37  not internal family systems. Or at least not that it's been told to me. I have a totally different way of interpretation of what's going on in therapy. Luckily if I keep calm everything stays fairly normal. It's only when triggers happen

[Just]

ACE, sorry can get a bit dyslexic

[Just]

My new idea is to first start with safety. 1. Safety in everything I do. Trauma can't be healed with out first being in a safe place. Because the body is just as important in the healing as is the mind. " You might tell yourself your safe but until your body feels it, truely feels it you will be stuck in the trigger responses of the 4fs. That's what I've recently come to terms with. No matter how long you spend talking in therapy. How much you read and know, until you can truely put the "safe" feeling into gear, you will still be triggered because that's what the body has learned to survive. That's how the body keeps you safe. To rewire all the known responses. To try a new path when the old reactive path is so ingrain. That's difficult.