Dearest @Mazarita and @Faith-and-Hope
Thank you.
I cannot tell you how much you both alter my life and focus and make it stronger.
Anne x
Hi @Mazarita it's so good you were able to really put down what's going on for you, and that so many people have responded supportively.
I'm another who dodges the shower quite often but if I have to go out and haven't had one I'll have a wash with a washer and the hand basin. Like everyone said, what is deodorant for? And I too also quite often sleep in my clothes and wear them the next day if they're not stinky. I've found this one of the hardest things to confess to my Dr and only did so very recently. Will be looking at it with the psychologist when I get there if I'm brave enough as she put 'affecting self care' into the mental health care plan for the referral.
Last year I kept sleep, mood and symptom charts for the psychologist for months and was really disappointed when I took them to my appointments and she didn't even read them. She eventually said the purpose of them was for me to get an understanding of what was going on for me, and particularly to be able to see when things were changing - getting too high or too low. (Not as you are experiencing with your psychologist for more pressure to fix everything all at once). As time went on I found a lot of the items on the charts stayed closer to the middle, so it did help in a way. I was able to see that I was managing better and the bipolar was more stable. I'm talking over 4 months of keeping the charts every day. But it also meant I was constantly focussed on assessing myself and making records defining life with bipolar and as soon as my sessions finished I stopped keeping the charts and felt much lighter. But since then (I kept the charts) and when I notice things are changing I look at the charts and just mentally go over the signs and symptoms and that's partly what helped me realise recently that I needed the pdoc's support again. So I guess what I'm saying is that in some ways they weren't good and in other ways they were and still are.
Dare I say that you are probably exhausted from external and internal pressure for a long time? I've seen your consistent effort and want you to know that you manage to do way more than I do so please don't judge yourself. And if you feel judged by the psychologist maybe you can find another one, or take a break. Like you said in one of your posts here you have several other supports in place.
So good that you feel well supported by your psychiatrist. I hope some of what I've said is helpful. Sending you 
s
Hi @eth,
Thanks so much for your considered response. From our history of chats and friendship on the forum, I feel that a lot of what you and I go through is similar in many ways, so it's always great to get your perspective.
I love that so many have come out of the woodwork owning up to their less-than-perfect hygiene habits. It took me a long time to be able to confess this to doctors/psychs too. But, like you, if I haven't had a shower for the day (or two days or three days or...), I mostly do have a routine to clean and deodorise myself in the important parts of my body. The bad times are when I can't even be bothered doing that, as with today. Didn't brush my hair until just before I got in the shower in the afternoon and the teeth were neglected for hours too. It's when I get like that I think it's a sign something is really not okay with me.
Interesting what you say about the mood and symptom charts and how they helped in some ways and not in others. I don't mind some of the homework at all. For example, I liked the 'postpone the worry' exercise I did for the past four weeks, which also involved a nightly sheet to be filled out. And I've spent every day since October last year tallying the green and tobacco I've consumed each day. It's helped me finally to give up the green and I will keep doing that until I give up the tobacco too. This involves more than a once nightly sheet as it means tallying all day long every time I smoke. It's just this particular DBT sheet I have at the moment that seems so counter-productive for me.
Your comments about pressure are spot on. I've had a lot of real life support over the past year, which has been great in so many ways. But it also means there are a number of people regularly 'telling me what to do', which not many people really like, me included. The internal pressure is probably the biggest problem for me though, being a perfectionist in many ways.
What you've said is very helpful. Sending back love and s to you.
Follow us on:
