Lived Experience Forum

[Kelsa]

At first you were comforting

A safety I was desperate to feel

Control was ours and we could take on the world

Every kilo down the closer we were to a better life

Emotions we couldn’t feel

Then the lines blurred and we diverted

We ended up in a hospital bed

We were not meant to end up here

You told me we would be successful and happy

Why do I hate my existence and so desperately want to leave this world? 

Why do I feel so behind everyone else? 

I trusted you and you mislead me

You made me believe shrinking would be the answer to the pain and overall success

I listened and I pushed myself

I deceived the people who cared to protect you trusting you were right and they were wrong

I did everything you said and followed your rules perfectly

Despite the greatest efforts of everyone trying to keep me alive

It wasn’t long and I was in a hospital bed once again

This time we didn’t know if I would pull through

Traumatic treatment saved my life not you

Without that intervention you would of won

Worried faces surrounded me day in day out 

It was touch and go there and during it all you were silent

However once treatment started you found your voice again 

You reminded me every time when the machine pumped nutrients into me I was weak

You reminded me every time I looked in the mirror I should be ashamed of what I see

You kept me alive and now you are trying to destroy me over and over again

I can’t trust anything else you say

You are making me manipulate, deceitful and a liar

You are not making me a kind, loving or caring

I need you to release the shackles and set me free

I will not be another one of your statistics

I have so much more in this life to give

I have been told by the ones who really care for me

I can no longer trust anything you say

Leaving you will be hard and I have tried many times but if I don’t I know you will eventually take my life

Ultimately you will win and I will leave the ones who care in pain

[NatureLover]

Hi and welcome, @Kelsa , it's good you've joined 🙂

You write very powerfully!

You can type anything (like "anorexia") into the Search bar above to find threads on that topic. Also, a handy forum tip to tag someone is to type @ and then click on their name in the drop-down box - that way they'll get a notification that you've replied to them.

Feel free to let us know how we can support you 🙂

[Bow]

Hi @Kelsa  thank you for sharing. I very much relate to your words. They are beautifully put. 

[SkySeeker22]

Such powerful words @Kelsa 

Welcome to the SANE forums.

Warm regards

SkySeeker22