Lived Experience Forum

[MDT]

I feel like I'm going down the same path 

There's just too much on my mind with everything going on and every time I try to digest it and understand what I am meant to do and focus on then I end up getting even more depressed 

[Rhye]

Morning @MDT 

It sounds like things are feeling overwhelming for you at the moment. You mention that you might be going down the same path? Please excuse me if this is something you've mentioned previously, but would you be able to talk to that a little?

Just want you to know that we're here for you and to make sure you're feeling safe.

[MIFANTCARER]

Good morning Hams,

I know what your saying.. it is a vicious cycle of the same thing over and over again.  You think you understood it and then it changes on you again.

My new saying is "adulthood is hard!"  So much complex issues and things you have to wrap your head around.

How I tackle things is I do one that is easy and then a hard one..  just to keep it interesting..

I hope you are having an awesome day today!  Be kind to yourself..

[MDT]

hi @Rhye @MIFANTCARER

In terms of the same path

- my work. It is very similar to my old job i had and i didn't like it and wanted to leave. It's just administration and its not something i like. It's easy but I guess it may still be too early to understand what I'm meant to do about it. I have been saying the first month is where I learn it all and then come to that decision

It's just hard. I can tell my parents want me to keep it. But I see where they are coming from. It's just a shitty situation to be in at the moment.

I also feel alone and lost in the world.

I have a few friends I talk to but really don't have a social life.

I'm hurting on the inside too

[MDT]

just a lot of confusion over myself and also what the past is for me and what the future holds

[MIFANTCARER]

Hi @MDT 

Can I ask you when you say alone and lost in the world is it because you can see your friends (that you talk tooor others you associate with), appears to have it more together or they are in relationships?

I am only asking because thats how I felt when I was fresh out of high school..  you see when I was in high school I was in a high end Catholic school (with full scholarship) I was the only one who didnt have rich parents and having $100 a day allowance.  And when we graduated we all went to university but I started a business instead while doing part time university.  All my friends had boyfriends and travelled with their graduation monies from their parents, went to theatre shows and even interstate travel that I couldnt afford..  I was very alienated and looked down due to me working hard for what seemed to be useless task..  I gradually left the group and was alone dealing with troubles of business, family and just setting up things..

I never found true love and was always scared of speaking to men.. mind you I dealt with million dollar deals with high end comapnies run by men but I could never talk romantic to men..  All of those friends I was talking about are married and I did attend their weddings.. but was cast aside as the coffee taker, music player and greeter..

Hams -  at those days I thought just like you alone and lost but time goes by and I found little bits of me that I still have now and from all I have done I realised now that I wasnt alone I just didnt allow myself to enjoy..

I hope this helps.. Careers will change, feeling alone and lost will always be there but try to enjoy your moments..  I know its hard I know you said your hurting and I can feel that in your posts.. and I am so sorry that your hurting but try to enjoy you and see you right now and feel that connection that is making you want more (i.e relationship)  feel more because that is you wanting to enjoy this moment in time..  I can say more but I think you might feel overwhelmed..  

Hams - remember you are an important person what you do here might not seem to make a difference but it does..  I thought my parents didnt appreciate what I did when I was young but now them with their dementia they tell me if it wasnt for me before they wouldnt have been brave to live and stay in Australia this long

Be kind to yourself and have an awesome day xx

[wellwellwellnez]

Emotional evaluation can be a funny ole game. Here's a random thought. Keep switching the metrics. Change the criteria for happyness success whatever. Randomize expectations. That way you get to spread out the pressure AND get more angles. (and then maybe get tired of comparing faster (all new thoughts))

[MDT]

Hi @MIFANTCARER
Thank you for sharing your story.

You know what else hurts today - this girl I hung out with a bit, well she was saying I was refreshing and genuine
But now she doesn't even reply to my texts. So I guess that's probably why it hurts a bit. I wouod think being refreshing and genuine wouod be a good thing.

My sister knows this loneliness stuff well so I guess it's good that I have her to help me and vice versa. We are good friends as far as siblings go. My parents listen to me.

I need to be better to myself

Last night I wrote in my diary something my mum told me - that although where I am at the moment might not be where I want to be (because it feels wrong in a few ways) it doesn't mean I have to be hard on myself.

Where I am now IS better though. Just by mere virtue of that fact alone I feel a bit better. I have come A LONG way In this year.

What do we do when the world tells us that quality is better than quantity when it comes to friends. But then we find ourselves lacking quality even still?

I guess we come here don't we ??

@Former-Member my friend, I think you can relate to some things I have spoken about

I made some calls today as part of my new job and it bought up a lot of stuff from my old one - bad experiences. But I guess it's different now even though this role is not what I want to do forever.

Lockdown made things harder. It divided friends. It ruined me. But somehow I got through.

In the past I have felt suicidal about this stuff. But I know that is not an option that will solve anything.

[Former-Member]

Hey @MDT I'll start off with some good news, I got a 2 week trial at a place sorta nearby with the opportunity to go full-time. I'm happy about that.

2nd what you're feeling is painful, I've been there and focusing on what matters to me and not what others think, which I'm still working on, is something for myself I found important. I'll just say hang in there buddy, if you're taking meds, let them work, as I understand depression meds take a while to work. And keep going to your psych/s as required. 

I thought what I originally felt time would heal, not the case for me unfortunately, but stay strong.

[MDT]

Hi @Former-Member
Its good you got that bit of good news. All the best with it and I hope it goes well for you.

Yeah idk man. I feel really really depressed. This job is not meaningful as I thought it would be. I need to give it 2 weeks more and then figure out from there. I think its probably still too rash to make any calls now.

But you see so much is going on elsewhere. I'm just overwhelmed and depressed.

My meds are for my anxiety not my depression. I was taking them as instructed