I can’t cope

[Captain24]

I’m pretty sure where we are staying has 2 living areas @tyme. Plus I’ll go to the beach each afternoon, just me. Also with mums new leg brace she can’t really walk on the sand as it will damage it, so maybe Pix and I will go down to the girls favourite beach on our own. 

I can’t fight back because I just can’t hurt them. Even if I do it comes back at me tenfold. 

Im thinking the plates are becoming unstable. I hope it just stays mild though. With all the bushfires and floods in recent years we don’t need another natural disaster. Plus I want you all to be safe. My best friend lives down there too. I’m not sure which suburb but it’s just inside a really bad area. 

[Captain24]

I’m getting ready for work. I’m so tired and I just don’t want to go. I’m really hating on myself still. I feel like I just can’t. I wish there was some other way. 

[Bow]

You got this @Captain24  remember you only have 3 shifts this week and then you are heading to the beach! 

[Snowie]

@Captain24 hoping work is going ok today.

You have something to look forward to which is great.

[Shaz51]

hello and hugs @Captain24 ❤️

one step at a time my friend

[Captain24]

Thanks @Bow @Snowie @Shaz51 

It was a really horrible day. I am so angry. Like really angry. I need to get it out. I can’t say in here though. 

I got home and rang mum. Pixie has been really subdued all day at her house. It’s the first time she has been there all day without Angel for 4 yrs. Mum said it’s obvious that she is grieving. They are just trying to keep as normal a routine as possible. 

Im angry but I’m also crying because Pixie is struggling. 

I really don’t understand all these emotions I’m having. But I can’t cope with them. 

[fluffylight]

Hi @Captain24

Holding lots and lots of space for you 💛 Hugs, hugs hugs!

Please have a look at your email if you feel like chatting over there 💛

[Jynx]

Hey @Captain24 - I just tried to email you but kept getting an 'undeliverable' notification. I'm not sure why, seems it is being rejected as spam? 

Is it okay with you if I post what I wrote here instead? 

[Captain24]

Hi @Jynx 

I did respond to @fluffylight email. Not sure if you saw that. 

But yes that is fine to post here

[Jynx]

Oh @Captain24 , it's so, so much for you to have going on right now. 

I think it's really good that you can acknowledge that what you're going through is so incredibly overwhelming. It's coming at you from all sides - work, family, grief; no wonder you're full of so much raw emotion. Anger is a really tough emotion. I was gonna post this to the Toolshed at some point, but I'll share it with you here:

I also found this article about healthy ways to release rage. Emotions always deserve to be expressed, and when we do so it often helps them to move through, and out of our bodies. 

Have you tried Griefline at all? it might be an option, considering what you're going through. The pain of loss, coupled with all the other stresses is bound to leave anyone feeling on edge. And in case your mind tells you your situation is not of the sort that needs that kind of support - grief is complex. Loss of a pet, loss of autonomy at your job, or a sense of loss of family ties that lift you up instead of putting you down, are all valid forms of grief. 

I am glad you got some stuff off your chest. Do you feel like it helped? Will you be able to keep yourself safe tonight? 

Warmest,

Jynx