Lonely

[Stuart9726]

I’m really struggling today and just needed to reach out somewhere. I hardly slept last night and I’m feeling pretty low.

My aunty’s funeral was yesterday back in England. I couldn’t be there in person, just watched the livestream, and it left me feeling heartbroken and really lonely. All I wanted was to give my family a hug.

I guess I just need some connection today and to talk with people who understand what it’s like when everything feels heavy. How do you get through days like this?

[Shaz51]

hello @Stuart9726 

sending you lots of understanding hugs, it is hard, and you need to give yourself time and to take minute by minute

is there things you enjoy doing , maybe having a walk , been in nature is good 

have you got any furbabies xx

@Ru-bee , @rav3n , @AuntGlow 

[Ru-bee]

Hi @Stuart9726 

IT sounds like yesterday was a really hard day. I'm so sorry for your loss, and that you weren't able to be there with your loved ones for the funeral. 

I also experienced a livestream funeral when my grandmother passed during COVID - it's a pretty bizarre experience isn't it?

In terms of getting through days that just feel heavy, I guess there are a few approaches you can take. Sometimes I just let myself feel the heaviness, and allow myself the day to just not be okay. Sometimes the heaviness is too much so I try to just focus on small achievable tasks to get me through to the day, focusing on only the next task ahead of me until the day is done, tasks like getting up, feeding myself, brushing my teeth, showering, getting dressed ect. Sometimes reaching out and being connected to others, like you've done here can help with the weight a little too. 

How is today feeling for you? Is it another heavy day or are things feeling a little lighter?

[DownMoreThanUp]

@Stuart9726 Yes i have also experienced days like you. One that comes to mind straight away is my dad's passing away and my inability to come and grief with my family standing beside them, and not able to bury him along with my loved ones.

This was because of those pathetic Covid restrictions at the time, much more so than me being to unwell too come to his funeral.

Sending you lots of hugs and hoping that you will not let go of caring for yourself because of this, for you will need lots of love and care to get over this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cck8K-jplSQ&list=PL7edYu_VxzBIHm8ZjjGuiuBlNeyXQ2NY4&index=3

[Stuart9726]

Thank you so much @Shaz51 and @Ru-bee it really means a lot that you both took the time to reply

Shaz – I do love being out in nature, it’s usually where I feel most at ease. I’m a groundskeeper at a school and I really enjoy working in my own garden too. Today feels different though, my body just feels a bit twisted and out of sorts, and even walking outside for a smoke feels like it takes all my energy. I do have my staffy, Groot, who’s such a comfort, and my 7-year-old boy is home with me for the school holidays which is lovely, though a bit tiring too.

Ru-bee – today is still really heavy. The funeral was only at midnight last night and I didn’t manage much rest afterwards. My mind wouldn’t quieten down enough to let me sleep, so I think I only managed a couple of broken hours at best. It’s catching up with me today, but I’m trying to just take things gently.

How are things feeling for you both today?

[Stuart9726]

@DownMoreThanUp 

Thank you so much for sharing that song with me. I just listened to it, and it honestly brought a tear to my eye. It means a lot that you took the time to send it. Music can really hit in a different way when you’re feeling low, and this one really touched me. 💙 Do you listen to it often yourself?

[DownMoreThanUp]

@Stuart9726 i'm glad you feel supported by that song. To be honest i did not know what song to send to comfort you, so i asked youtube search engine to give me song on funerals. And this one came up among others.

Listening to this song however it spoke to me,  and therefore i hoped it would comfort you as well.

i'm glad it did.🤗

(in the mean time i listened to a few more of his songs and like them too. Check them out!😀)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3svABDnmio&list=RDA3svABDnmio&start_radio=1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8NzgEh3H0MM&list=PLLDVfSPfze0tdjYFjropf8RewYSY8_ntu&index=8

[Snowie]

Hi @Stuart9726 

I've attended a funeral via livestream before too. It is a really weird experience. I thought it would give me closure, but it didn't. I still felt detached from it.

I can understand that heavy feeling. For me it feels like it affects my entire body. Just getting up and walking somewhere feels so hard. The feeling of the weight on my shoulders and through my chest makes that heaviness feel real.

There are a few things that help me get through these days. The first is not to be too hard on myself (something I am working on with my psych). Thats it's ok to feel this way. I try to be gentle with myself. If all I do that day is cuddle up on the couch than that's ok. The washing can wait for another day! 

At the time it feels like it will never pass, but it does.

Another way is that connection with others. Knowing that there is someone out there that will listen and that understands what I am going through. 

So please remember we are here if you want to talk about it, just have a chat or even just to sit. 

[Stuart9726]

@DownMoreThanUp 

Wow, thank you so much for sending me those songs. I’ve just listened to both and they really hit me in the feels. Honestly, what touched me even more than the music was the fact that you saw my post, thought about me, and then went off to find something that might bring me a little comfort. That kindness is beyond words. It means a lot to feel seen and cared about in that way, especially right now when I’ve been feeling so raw.

Do you turn to music often yourself when things feel heavy?

[Stuart9726]

@Snowie 

I’d really appreciate a chat if you’re around. Today’s been rough, i’m mostly just surviving. Haven’t showered, spent the day smoking and drinking tea, and feeling stuck. Honestly, I just feel like screaming sometimes.

It helps knowing I’m not the only one who goes through days like this. If you’ve got any little ideas that have helped you on your own hard days, I’d love to hear them.

Also, is there an app for this forum? It would be really helpful to get notifications quicker instead of checking in and out all the time.

Thanks again for taking the time to reach out, it really means a lot.