My Mosaic

[tyme]

Hey @Bow ,

How are you today?

[Bow]

Hey @tyme  not sure if you’re still around, oh you’ll be on that chat thing.  I’ve just crawled into bed. D was tired so I jumped at the chance to tuck her in and lock the house up and go to bed myself. 

todays been a really hard day. We’ve kept buy which helps a little, but my ED has ruled everything. 
I even had a call from my CM this arvo calling to see how I’m going and to arrange to come see me later in the week. I told her it’s been a bit of a struggle and explained what’s been going on… but you’ve done this before…. Blah blah blah. 

anyways I was glad to of crawled into bed. It’s been freezing here today 

how are you???

[tyme]

I HATE it when they say, "You've done it before". I find it so invalidating... as though the really just don't get how bad my current state is. 

I'm not sure if that statement really helps anyone??? Or maybe it does sometimes, but they have to say it at the right moment... not when things are hell bent hard!

I'm glad they checked in on you - considering it's a Sunday too! @Bow 

Yes! It's been raining and coooollllllldddd here too!

Yes, I'm on the Sunday Hangout so it'll take me longer to respond.

[Bow]

Yep I hate it! So very invalidating. Things change. People change. Urgh

it’s not at all helpful @tyme 

I need to sleep actually. Done my round on the social medias. Time to roll over and sleep. Enjoy the rest of chat and catch ya Wednesdayish? 

[tyme]

Maybe it's good to tell them that it DOESN"T help when they say that @Bow 

Yes, I'll see you Wednesday late evening.

[Bow]

Sitting outside waiting for my schema group to start. I’m the only one here so far, but that is normal. Everyone usually has rocks up right on 1pm or just after. 

my SW called me this morning. She is concerned about my lack of intake. Especially that I am driving and walking around. Sigh. I get it. I understand. But do I care much? No. 

[Ru-bee]

Hey @Bow 

I get that, sometimes we can understand something, but still not have it move us to caring. 

Did your SW talk with you about any steps forward from here, or were they just calling to express concern?

[Bow]

Hi @Ru-bee 

I ended up being the only person to turn up for my group again. But we stayed and had a one on one and went over some of the material they had planned for today’s session. 

I was able to go over my schema diary, which was helpful. We actually ended up talking about it for a long time trying to understand it. And then did a pro and con list of the compliant surrenderer. This isn’t something that I previously related to very much, but now I think I do. 

My SW called me again after group and she wasn’t very happy with me. I was suppose to of had an up and go. But I didn’t. She expressed her ongoing concern.  

[Ru-bee]

I'm glad you got that one-on-one time @Bow it can be so helpful to be able to ask questions and focus on areas most helpful for you

It sounds like you're really struggling with this right now. When are you seeing your SW next?

[Bow]

Yeah one on one can be good, cause it can be focused on my needs and where I’m at, but I also don’t like it cause I’m the focus, which I hate. Let me slip into the background anyway. But I’m trying…. Learning…. To go with it cause there is only 3 of us in this group @Ru-bee  and there is often 1…. Or like today, 2 away. 

Yes I am struggling a lot. A lot of my supports have said to me ‘you’ve done it before, you’ll be fine’ (in terms of coping while my mum is away). That is often the response I get when I request a bit of additional support over this period of time. So my eating disorder is like ok, let’s prove them wrong. 
I will see my SW tomorrow afternoon.