My Mosaic

[Snowie]

I feel off for the rest of the day. Lots of feelings come to the forefront. Thankful for my prn.

I don't think I could live without a washing machine @Jynx With 4 of us in the house I wash almost every day.

You'll have to show us your collage.

[Bow]

Hey @Jynx @Snowie 

this morning I went and met with my local member of parliament. My SW came with me. He was really nice. He was… and still is a pediatrician. Well known and respected in our community. I emailed him a couple of weeks ago when comm mh pretty much gave me no other option than to come off a medication for treatment resistant depression cause there was no one to write a script for me. 
He sat and spent the time getting to know me a little, wanted to know a little about my background and how this medication has helped and what has happened with not being able to get a script for it. I told him that a pdoc had agreed to write me one script and that was it. He said there is no reason why he can’t write me up for 6mths worth and to let him know if he won’t do it. He also said that he was going to write to the area health director about this issue- and asked me to get back in contact with him after Christmas. 
I really didn’t know what I wanted to come away with, but I felt heard and taken seriously. And I was glad that I made the effort to be vulnerable and contact him. 

Then this arvo I went and see this pdoc. He really pressed for why this medication has helped. He questioned why if it has helped did I make an attempted a couple of months ago? It frustrates me. He talked a lot about not liking stimulant medications and that he would like to see alternatives tried. Getting more frustrated. I spent years not getting much results from medications/ talk therapy/ yeah ECT helps but it’s not long lasting and it’s a real inconvenience on my family when they won’t do it as an out patient. I argued with him a little. He said that he would write the script for me with 5 repeats cause he felt it wasn’t right to suddenly stop it. But if I was to see him on an ongoing basis he would not continue to give it to me. Fingers crossed my pdoc comes back! 
Then there was the drama of actually writing the script. He called the pbs but as it’s off label they were of no help. He spoke to the chemist and fingers crossed he has written it correctly. I will drop it off tomorrow morning. 

I did some work in between my appointments today. Finished a large order. I will wrap them up and pack them for postage. 
@Jynx  That paint by number photo order that I had… that I totally under charged him. Approx 40hrs work! And I only charged him $130 for my time and effort!! Urgh.  It’s finished though and it looks good. Wish I could show you. 

how was your days @Jynx @Snowie ???

[Jynx]

@Snowie Aye, glad you got something to help you settle!

Oh my stars, yeah I mean I live alone so much less laundry to do... but I also have a cat that is ever-so-slightly feral, and likes to pee on my stuff. Though maybe that would just end up making a washing machine all stinky eventually 😅

Of course!! And I'll tag @Bow too so she can see 😊

The vibe or theme is 'Movement and Stillness' and they're all cuttings from old Nat Geo magazines. Quite proud of it!! Wish it didn't look so wrinkly in the photo though. Oh well!

[Snowie]

Wow @Bow I'm surprised you haven't fallen into bed exhausted. You certainly have had a busy day. It sounds like that you have expressed your concern in both of the appointments. Well done for standing up for yourself and also for what you believe in.

Hopefully the pdoc has written it out properly. Well done to for getting some of your art done on such a busy day.

That looks really good @Jynx you should be really proud. Defiantly something to hang up in your room.

[Bow]

Oh that is super cool @Jynx where are you going to hang it?

[Jynx]

@Bow @Snowie it's going above my bed!! I have discovered a hitch though, just in that there's a weird, idk ridge I guess, down the middle of the wall - so hanging it in the centre of that space will look funny. So I need to hang it like, up to the right of the ridge and then find something else to accompany it on the other side of the ridge!! Any ideas? lol 

Wow @Bow I'm sooooo proud of you for advocating for yourself so dang solidly!! Well done!! Ugh, sucks about the pdoc though. Like you go in there and say 'hi, I've been seeking treatment for over a decade and finally found these meds that actually help me. More pls?' and he's like 'Oh no no no you see I disagree with those medications that actually work for you so I'm gonna make it your problem, but not before I've made sure you know how smart I am for having this opinion.' Yuck. 

How you feeling about it all this evening? Did you have a chance to pick up the script?

[Bow]

Oh that’s annoying about the ridge @Jynx it’s always the way though eh…. Want something a particular way but things are in the way! 

thank you! Was a bit proud of me stepping outside my comfort zone and talking to people today. 
I know my body best. I know what works and what doesn’t. And grrrrr at stupid arrogant pdoc that want to throw around their weight and lord it over me. I told him that I’ve tried so many different things, but nope, he seems to know best apparently. 

it’s something that I should be able to just forget about now for a while, knowing that it’s all sorted for like 6mths…. But then I have the unknown to deal with after that. 
I am always so anxious walking into that place cause they have so much power. I always feel like I have so little control. And then when you have a person have this kind of attitude that the pdoc had today, it’s frustrating. I’ve worked hard at getting myself to this place, being able to name feelings, put words to experiences, express these things to other people and assert and advocate for myself, but to have someone say no, you are wrong. Well :middle_finger:

[Jynx]

@Bow yep pretty much! I dunno maybe it just means I ought to make another collage... oh no, more art? How simply terrible! 😝😂

You know I think you've just summed up institutional trauma in a single paragraph 🙃 Like that's exactly it, nothing about how the system is set up is trauma-informed, leaving the most vulnerable members of society in the most disempowered positions. 

But you're right, you have worked REALLY hard!! And they can never take that away from you. 

[Bow]

More art and more creativity makes little Jynx happy?!?! 

would you mind clarifying which bit of what I said sums that up @Jynx and what you mean by that? 

I just wrapped and boxed up an order of 4 frames. I still get a little buzz knowing people choose and spend money on my art to put in their house or to give to other people! 
Also wrapped up a custom piece… it’s a bit daunting but I love bringing to life other peoples words. 

[Jynx]

@Bow oh yes very much so!! It's been a while since I've been inspired so it's nice to be feeling that itch again! My progress with my bedroom has also made me wanna sort through my art supplies... an even bigger job!! 

Oh yes of course! Basically, I was highlighting that a person can put so much time and energy towards self-empowerment, sometimes after a lifetime of having their agency taken away, and yet the very systems that are supposed to support them, actually end up recreating those traumatising scenarios by once again removing their agency. Did I explain that a bit better? 😅

Yes!! It's such a nice feeling hey! Aww that's so beautiful, it really is special knowing that stuff you made is bringing joy to people's lives, hey!! So wholesome 💜🥰