My Mosaic

[Ru-bee]

Absolutely you are @Bow I'm guessing that you didn't hear back before 4pm?

[Bow]

Nothing @Ru-bee 

[Ru-bee]

That is disappointing @Bow Of course we can't know why they didn't respond but I had really hoped that they would. 

How are you feeling going into the evening? Today was a pretty big day with lots of emotions to process. Has the crafting been helping? I forgot to say earlier that creating book sculptures sounds incredible and something that could be quite therapeutic with the repetition of the folding 

[Bow]

She practically had all day @Ru-bee  if she didn’t have lots of time a simple text or phone call to acknowledge she had received it and some kind of plan to discuss it with me later. But nothing. 

So a whole lot of ‘she don’t care, my psych don’t care, no one cares, I don’t matter, I’m just a huge burden and a problem and I take up too much space so why even bother. Why bother being honest and vulnerable with people when they don’t care anyways. If they don’t care to discuss that with me then they won’t care if I do it.’

you know how the book sculpturing is keeping me occupied, but it doesn’t keep my mind busy. It’s been loud and dark. A lot of what I said above. Even with the tv on it doesn’t drown it out. 

I have an appointment with my case manager tomorrow. Don’t wanna go. Don’t see the point. 

[Ru-bee]

Yeah I'm hearing that while your hands are busy your mind is pretty free to ruminate right now @Bow 

I do think it's understandable to be having these thoughts, it is a disappointing outcome and it's very valid to be feeling hurt and disappointed in your supports today. That being said, going over and over these thoughts right now isn't going to help, so I wonder if we can try something else to help to give you a bit of a break, or to at least quiet these thoughts for a bit? Has anything helped you to get out of rumination in past?

[Bow]

No idea sorry @Ru-bee 

[Ru-bee]

That's okay @Bow , is there may an activity that requires more of your focus that you could try?

Or if you feel up to it maybe you could try challenging some of these thoughts, or if this feels a bit out of reach at the moment maybe you could reach out to a support line for help on this?

I hear you're feeling a bit like there's no point right now, is there something we can do together to help you keep safe tonight?

[Bow]

Think all I can manage tonight is couch, tv and maybe a bit more of this book @Ru-bee 

yeah I am feeling stuck tonight. Don’t know a way forward to be honest. It’s so exhausting when this kind of stuff happens with my supports over and over again. It sucks. I’m tired of struggling so much, working up the courage to be vulnerable with people for it to basically be a complete waste of time. And then they go off at me when I make an attempt and ask me why I didn’t ask for help. 

I don’t wanna be

[Ru-bee]

If that's what you can manage tonight then that's enough @Bow 

What are you watching at the moment?

[Bow]

Just home and away at the moment @Ru-bee 

not sure after that