My Mosaic

[Ru-bee]

Ah I haven't watched Home and Away is ages @Bow! 

It's amazing how long they're able to keep these shows going for with episodes 5 nights a week! Honestly I was always a bit more partial to Neighbours but would sometimes go through times of watching both 

[Bow]

I watch them both @Ru-bee and have done for such a long time. But neighbors is ending for a second time. 

im looking forward to crawling into bed soon though although not sure how I’ll go about sleeping 

what time do you finish? 

[Ru-bee]

Really? It's ending again @Bow? I wonder if it will be picked up again for a third time

I'm finishing up at 8 tonight so I might say goodnight now.  I'm hoping that sleep finds you quickly tonight. 

[Bow]

Goodnight @Ru-bee  thank you again 

[tyme]

Heya @Bow , have you already shared about your day?

[Bow]

Hi @tyme  yep probably a couple of pages back

[tyme]

Coolies @Bow . I've just read through it. I'm hearing a sense of deflation? Like you psyched yourself up to get to the point of talking and what you got in return was only so-so? Would that be fair to say?

I think that the fact that it took all that energy to 'get it out', only to be given a so-so response, can certainily cause you to feel deflated...

Can you think of anything you'd like us to go through or do tonight here that might make it easier?

I also have to note, that the book craft was so awesome! Is that decoupage or something? Also, are they just any books or did you buy a specific craft kit to make them?

[Bow]

I’m just disappointed I guess @tyme  something that has been all consuming for me for the last week and contemplating the things that I have been and feeling the way that I currently am. That I work up all this courage to be honest and vulnerable with my supports and for them to not really care.  And for my SW to not even respond. 

but should I be surprised? No. But that doesn’t make the disappointment feel any less. I’m angry. 

but who cares. 

I’m working on a book sculpture. It’s a lot of measuring, folding, cutting and folding some more. It’s very fiddly and you start to run out of space cause some pages are folded in half and then in half again. I usually go to op shops or second hand bookshops and get cheap books. They need to be hardcovers. And old vintage ones can look better. 

[tyme]

I hear what you are experiencing, and I can actually 'feel' it. It's something that I was so familiar with in that it took every ounce of energy to be vulnerable and share, only to be left... 

With this anger, is to towards yourself or others?

Can you describe this anger (only if you want to)?

Also, the book sculpture sounds wow. I've got no idea where you get the ideas, inspiration and energy from. Is there a specific sculpture you are working on? I reckon if you had a cricut, you'd be able to sell your products as well. @Bow Your talent is out of this world.

[Bow]

Anger…… myself and them @tyme 

anger at myself for thinking that it would be different this time. That they would respond differently or show any kind of care. Stupid to work myself up to the point of being vulnerable. Like it’s not some simple thing to be able to be vulnerable like that, it takes huge stuff. Not much sleep last night. Stress. Anxiety. I’m an idiot to even consider telling them. 

and then just plain angry mostly at my SW. she had all day. And nothing. If you don’t have time at least acknowledge it. 

It makes all that stuff. All the feels that I told them about… it pushes me that bit closer

i dont matter to them they don’t care

so why bother 

why???