Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Determined]

@tyme 

Setting boundaries made a huge difference for us.

I resisted for a long time because setting rules and consequences for my wife felt sooo wrong.

A counsellor showed me how this could work however while darling was in hospital on suicide watch.

I was able to introduce our new boundaries before she came home knowing I could leave knowing she was safe when she lost it. (Which she did)

I was able to pre warn her nurse a storm.was imminent. The nurse was super supportive. 

[tyme]

@Maybe1 ,

The practising and perfecting of these skills is constant. 

Even now, I can't say I have 'recovered', but instead, 'recovering' because I see BPD recovery as ongoing. I'm learning more about myself and others each day and this is what makes BPD recovery so awesome!

[Maybe1]

Oh gee! It's a long road!!  Cudos to you and your supports! It has only been after her recent 'meltdown' that she seems more aware of her actions and what steps she needs to take to manage & improve her behaviours. 

[cloudcore]

@Determined , I'm so sorry to hear of that experience and the lasting impact that would have on you and your children. Loved ones attempting suicide is definitely not an easy thing to sit with or process. Were you able to get support for yourself and the children around this?

[Maybe1]

Thanks. Getting there...

[tyme]

@Determined ,

Have you ever sat down to set these boundaries in consultation WITH your loved one? 

When I had boundaries set FOR me, I kicked because I felt people were trying to control me. 

When I had boundaries set WITH me, it empowered me. It made me WANT to make changes.

tyme

[cloudcore]

That doesn't sound good @TAB ! I'll tag you in another space just to make sure you're okay 😮

[Farmboy]

On a good day my wife is the most sensitive, caring, gentle and empathetic person you will find, truly an angel. To watch her interact with people and animals on those days brings absolute joy to my heart. I need to leave the forum now as I have a 4hour drive home to be with my wife. Thank you for insights and kind posts.

[Daisydreamer]

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@tyme wrote:

@Determined ,

When I had boundaries set FOR me, I kicked because I felt people were trying to control me. 

When I had boundaries set WITH me, it empowered me. It made me WANT to make changes.

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🙌

[Determined]

Zero support @cloudcore except frommchurch family.

Drs downplayed it as attention seeking. 

That hurt the most that I was not acknowledged or validated I'm my concerns. Darling didn't want to stay in hospital after Ed cleared her so she didn't have to. So she was sent home with me not knowing what she was going to do next and terrified to sleep. 

Probably leave it at that as I can feel myself.getting worked up. Thought I could talk about it but seems not 😥

And kind if off topic. So Probably not helpful.