Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Determined]

Question 3: How do you look after yourself when supporting a loved one with BPD? @tyme 

For me, this is still something I struggle with. Particually when things are bumpy. And particularly after burnout. 

When things.go south I slip into auto polit and self care goes out the wimdow.

Getting into cycling as a group activity has made a big difference though.

And I have a motorbike that I can have time out on. 

It is hard though when children are involved, sometimes it is not possible to just leave. 

[cloudcore]

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Doing things you enjoy

Setting time aside to engage in activities you enjoy will allow you to recharge your batteries. These may include:

• going for a walk
• art and craft activities e.g. knitting, painting, diamond painting, soap making
• joining and attending a fitness group e.g. pilates, walking, yoga
• spending time with friends
• having a coffee
• going for a drive

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Often when we care for others we can forget that we can just do something small to care for ourselves! Love these suggestions 😁

[Daisydreamer]

We are so glad you are here @Maybe1 🙂 Navigation is a learning curve, so please feel free to tag any of us for tips or support if you need 🙂

I hope the forums can be a support network for you

[Farmboy]

I have read a lot about managing stress. I practice mindfulness. I love music so I put in my ear pieces and listen to my favourite genre of music which takes me to a peaceful happy place, often I go walking while listening to the music. I need to look after myself so I can look after my wife, I had serious unexpected health challenges in 2021, so my health is now a priority also.

[Determined]

One of my biggest regrets is hiding during a melt down thinking my being there was making it worse .(I was only out in the shed). 

That resulted in a suicide attempt (because she thought I was leaving)  and children finding her. 😢 

[tyme]

I can resonate with you @Maybe1 

When I was diagnosed, I went through treatment because people wanted me to. 

It wasn't until my 30s that I realised I needed to want the treatment and I needed to do that work.

Even after my treatment, it took months to get back to functionality.

All the DBT skills your daughter has learnt probably now needs time to be out into use and practised. It is HARD work changing the neural pathways in the brain so that there is behaviour change. She needs to want to do it.

Do you think your daughter is at this stage where she needs to WANT to see change?

tyme

[Maybe1]

These are really good suggestions, especially setting the boundaries together and then sticking to them. I am still practising this into action.

[Daisydreamer]

Question 4: Moving beyond diagnosis, people with BPD have unique strengths. What are some of the strengths you see in the person you support? What strengths do you see in yourself when caring for a loved one?

[TAB]

I nearly didn't @cloudcore it was oddest feeling usually driving never a problem

[tyme]

Borderline Personality Disorder can bring so many strengths to the individual as well as those caring for them.

Strengths of a pwBPD may include:

• being more attuned to others’ emotions
• highly passionate
• highly compassionate and empathetic
• heightened creativity and attention to detail
• strong resilience

Strengths of a carer for someone with BPD:

• patient
• resilient
• strengths in communication
• maintaining boundaries
• empathetic
• supportive
• flexible

@Farmboy has also pointed out some strengths. 

Can the community share some of the strengths they have noticed in themselves or their loved ones?