Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Supportivemamma]

Thanks you I really appreciate that. It so hard to know what to and what not to say. All the time. And then he sleeps all day and is awake all night.

[Grace25]

Hi, I have just joined this online forum.

A little about my situation, I am an adult carer who is looking after my mother.

She was diagnosed with mylomea (bone marrow cancer) last august and she will be having treatment for the rest of her life. At the moment she is getting there, but her future is unknown. Since that has happened I have taken on the role of "housemaid" I do most of the cleaning, washing and cooking. I do this while still working where I cook, clean etc.

I am having trouble with my brother, who is still living at home and thinks he doesn't have to do a thing. He is still trying to process everything, but doesn't help around the house and it takes forever for him to do anything (if asked). He is never home and is either working or socializing.

I am getting a pension to look after her and she is getting disability.

I never do anything, because I am afraid she may herself as her bones are very brittle. Hence, if I go anyway she comes with me or im only away for a short period.

Now I am having health issues, tests being done and may have to go for surgery. 

At the moment, it seems nothing is going right and can't win, no matter what I do.

I am not a social person, hate crowds and have a limited circle of friends.

[tyme]

Hi there @Grace25 ,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing. It sounds like you have been taken on the carer's role for a while now. I hear that perhaps you feel your life has been placed on hold? Is that fair to say?

I think quite a few of us can relate to not liking social gatherings or crowds - myself included.

It's so important to find what works for you and run with that.

What are things you enjoy doing if you had the chance to do it? You passion?

Please know you are not alone in this situation. We are here for you. By connecting with others, we hope things get easier for you and you get the wellbeing support you deserve.

[Grace25]

Good Morning,

Thankyou, for reaching out and knowing that someone is there is very helpful.

I find it hard to say what I mean in person and tend to be very shy. 

I do feel like my life is on hold for the moment.

I would like to be more social, but with my social anxiety its a bit hard.

I am very creative and have taken up beading, I made animals for kids to hang on their school bags. I often make a few, take them to work and either put them in the prize box or randomly give them our for good behaviour.

I like going to work, its a outlet and I tend to forget out whats happening at home. I tend to shut that off when I walk into work. But then it comes back when i head home.

[CarerMum03]

Good morning everyone

I am new to this forum and thought I would introduce myself. My husband and I are the carers of my 21-year-old child who has eventually been diagnosed with C-PTSD and BPD. They are also suffering from chronic pain that we are still exploring, with an appointment in July with a Rheumatologist.

It has been a long and painful 7-year journey that was very difficult and confusing to find any support at the start. However, we now have a great team helping us and we have all seen an amazing improvement in their recovery.

Things I have learned along the way:
Celebrate every win together no matter how small
Not all problems they bring to us need solving, just listening and supporting
Baby steps to achievable goals
Be kind to yourself and others
Keep communication open even when they don’t want to speak to you
Listen to them when they have heightened emotions. You don’t have to agree with what they say but listen and don’t get drawn into an argument.
Set boundaries when everyone is calm and stick to them – this one is hard and I don’t always manage.
Have a safe space that everyone agrees not to invade in the heat of the moment.
If anyone needs to walk away, always take a mobile so that we can text to say we are safe once we have calmed down even if we are not ready to come back or speak to anyone.

I look forward to learning others' strategies to keep a happy and safe family.
Take care, everyone.

[Worriedmother]

Hi Everyone 

I am the worried mother of a son whose wife has borderline personality disorder. I don’t know whether my son knows what his wife’s condition is. My psychologist believes that this is the most likely diagnosis. My son is having a hard time at the moment and is now cutting me off. I am very worried about him and my two grandchildren. I am worried about my daughter-in-law too and know that my son has to travel for work. From Worried Mother

[SerfinNan]

Hello I have joined this forum because I am a student of Cert IV in Mental Health. Have just started and found this forum because of a qiestion to Answer to give the name of a useul social media chat group, forum, blog or discussion page.  So I thoughh I would join to assess persnally what the forum is like. So far I have found it a friendly setup. Please do not prove me wrong.

I am starting this course late in life working my way up to be a counsellar. I am 68 years old and want to  do Art Therapy for older persons with Mental Health issues. 

[DontLookStrickn]

Hey there!

My husband isn't diagnosed but says once he finishes his episode he will get diagnosis and support (fingers crossed)

Currently going through so many feelings as this is a new found realization. Reading books and looking at forums, such as this to seek clarity.

So very scared that this episode might not be an episode, maybe an emotional epiphany, and I might end up losing not only my husband but my best friend!

Any and all advice is welcomed!

TIA

[tyme]

Hey @DontLookStrickn @SerfinNan @Worriedmother @CarerMum03 ,

Great to have you all with us.

Navigating mental health as a carer or support person can really bring its challenges. It's great you have reached out.

We are a pretty awesome bunch here.

I have my own living experience of BPD, so I know first hand what some of the trigger and pain points may be.

As for supporting older people through art, it can be intensely rewarding!

@DontLookStrickn Please know you are not alone.

@Shaz51 may be able to shed light on what it is like as a carer.

We look forward to hearing from all of you!

[Shaz51]

Hello and welcome @DontLookStrickn , @SerfinNan , @Worriedmother , @CarerMum03 

@SerfinNan  said she want to do Art Therapy for older persons with Mental Health issues. -- How exciting and way to go 

age should not matter ,  I am turning 60 this month 

we have lots of members here that are very interested in art 

if ever you want to start a art thread , you are very welcome 

Hugs @Worriedmother , we are here for you to have a chat about anything 

sending you understanding hugs 

has your son said anything why he is cutting you off ?

sometimes it is hard but I have 4 step children who are all adults now and to be there to encourage, to support your son with whatever he wants to do with his life and to be on his side and to be there when he needs you is soo important 

hello @DontLookStrickn , letting you know that you are not alone my friend 

my husband has had lots of diagnosis in his life and now they think he has ASD to join the list 

my husband is thing of getting a proper diagnosis but with the cost and his changing his mind all the time -- i don`t think he will in the end 

so I have read alot and I have found the forum very helpful in helping and supporting my husband 

so we can chat anytime and we can direct you to what your husband has been diagnosed with 

@CarerMum03 , I love your list you wrote down , thank you 

Things I have learned along the way:
Celebrate every win together no matter how small
Not all problems they bring to us need solving, just listening and supporting
Baby steps to achievable goals
Be kind to yourself and others
Keep communication open even when they don’t want to speak to you
Listen to them when they have heightened emotions. You don’t have to agree with what they say but listen and don’t get drawn into an argument.
Set boundaries when everyone is calm and stick to them – this one is hard and I don’t always manage.
Have a safe space that everyone agrees not to invade in the heat of the moment.
If anyone needs to walk away, always take a mobile so that we can text to say we are safe once we have calmed down even if we are not ready to come back or speak to anyone.

we also have a thread call Coping Toolbox ( what is in yours to help you cope ) 

@tyme