Feeling stressed and not in a good place.

[Arbie_wun]

I finished my work day at 6pm and was home around 6:45.  It's normally about 30 minutes drive and because it was warm I took my time leaving work.

By 7pm I was back on the road, this time a 30 minute drive to the local Emergency.   For when I got home I had found out my dad has almost had 3 falls and he had chest pain (which I later found out started at 11am)

We were in triage at 7:30pm  and he was in a bed by 7:45.  I was actually quite calm this time but abut 9:15 I needed to escape for food.  I ate enough for a small couple,  now I am guilt tripping myself and stressing about all sorts of non essentials. 

I have to admit I felt a strong urge to message someone whom I promised I wouldn't message until after my Feb 14th appointment.

I have been struggling for a period of time and allowed my unstable thoughts to control my actions.   During this time I had interactions with a good friend which I am certainly not proud of.  I would never consciously hurt them but my instability caused more problems and pain that I could fully understand. 

Knowing that I have specific mental health issues and doing my best to keep a promise.  I am lucky that I have some control at the moment but I was so so close to caving when I should leave them be.

[Gremlin24]

@Arbie_wun it sounds like today has been incredibly stressful for you. It's OK to feel the way you do. 

But i think you have shown such strength in not giving in when you felt like it. That really says alot about how far you have come and how much you want to continue to grow. 

I hope your dad is ok and getting the care he needs. 

Take care of yourself and reach out for support if you need it. 

Always an ear hear to listen if you need/ want.  

[Arbie_wun]

@Gremlin24 thank you for those words, I know it was a challenge to not give in and do something that I know I shouldn't and had promised someone that I wouldn't do.  

The stress levels were high for sure, and it has been a tough couple months here, with this just adding to the chaos and uncertainty. I found that venting was helpful in getting it out of my head which is a nice place to start.